tips on dating a girl

I've opened an Etsy shop where I sell handmade totes & my own version of those fancy new hair ties. I've always loved Etsy, so it's especially fun to be on the selling end of things. Plus, it is the first time time in years that I've had time to actually make things!

xoxo

(Note: LROL is for Little Reminders of Love.) 

LROL: At what age do people typically begin to go on dates? 

Laena: Since I am now in my late twenties, I'm really not sure when people start dating. I know my dad always told me I couldn't date until I was 35, so I guess I'm disobeying every time I go out (sorry, Dad). I'm living in South Florida now, but I'm actually from Colorado, so everything is very new and different to me down here. If I had to guess, based on what I see, people start dating as early as 13 years old.

LROL: Who asks whom on a date, normally?
Laena: Down here, tradition is out the window. There are no rules about who asks whom. In fact, it almost seems the girls ask more frequently than they guys. The guys are outnumbered, and I think they know it. They seem to sit back and enjoy the advantage, and "let the ladies come" to them. Blech!

Unfortunately, I am a traditionalist and a hopeless romantic and can't see myself asking a guy on a date. Ever. It has been interesting trying to survive as a romantic in a very unromantic part of the world.

LROL: What is a typical first date like?

Laena: In South Florida, there are a lot of clubs and bars. A first date is often not really a date at all, but a "meet up" at a club or a bar. It's really very informal. If you click at the bar, you move forward; if not, both parties move on. Clubs make it very easy to do just that. Occasionally, a first date will be the traditional dinner date, but more often, it's just drinks and/or dancing.

LROL: What is culturally "expected" of you and your date?

Laena: It's difficult to say what's "culturally expected" here. South Florida is such a mix of cultures that it really depends who you end up dating. Sometimes, it is very clear that the cost of the date is split 50-50, and other times, I have been out with someone who refuses to let me pay for anything. Ever. 

As for physical expectations, that kind of depends on the culture too, but I'd definitely say people down here are more physical than anywhere else I've been. It's typical to kiss "hello" down here (even strangers), so at the very least, you can expect to get a hug and a kiss from your date.

LROL: Who decides what the date will be?

Laena: Generally, the person who asks plans.

LROL: Who pays?

Laena: As I said, it depends. Men from certain cultural backgrounds will pay every time. Others won't even offer.

LROL: What are the post-date norms?

Laena: Sex on the first date is very, very common. Sex is very casual down here. I've known many people who have several "friends with benefits" but no boyfriends/girlfriends. South Florida has this whole beach/party culture that seems to remove inhibition. People generally want to do what feels good, live in the moment, have fun. Sex is usually seen as just that. Not for me, but that's the norm.

LROL: What would you change about the dating culture of where you live?

Laena: If I had it my way, it would be much more traditional--dinner dates, walks on the beach, actually getting to know someone. I realize I'm not really in the best location for that. I think it's sad. It is extremely difficult to have any kind of real relationship with someone because there is very little interest in commitment or spending real time together.

LROL: What do you like about the dating culture of where you live?

Laena: I guess I appreciate that it is relaxed, and I like that it often involves music and the beach. I love that there is a strong Latin culture here, so lots of Latin dancing.

LROL: What was your best date?

Laena: Once, I had a guy invite me to his house and cook for me. He made New York strips with a mushroom sauce and served it with a salad. He was really proud of the dinner he had made, and wanted it to be special. I loved it! Afterward, we went out on the deck and watched the sunset and then came inside to watch a movie. Even though we were at his house, there was never any pressure to do anything physical. It was all just very sweet. We actually fell asleep on the couch watching the movie, and then he apologized that he had kept me out so late when we both woke up and I finally left around 3AM.

LROL: And your worst?

Laena: It was a second date with this guy I was trying to give a chance. He was really nice, but I was not feeling it. However, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I thought that maybe he was nervous on the first date. So on the second date, we met at the restaurant he picked, and on the way there, I came up with a list of questions and conversation topics because he hardly spoke the first time. TONS of awkward silence. So this time, I would be prepared. Sadly, his one word answers got us through my list before they even served our appetizers. It was a really long night. Then, when the bill came, I pulled out my wallet and offered to pay, but he told me not to worry about it (I thought that was very nice... I like when the guy pays). The server came and took his card with the bill and then didn't come back for a LONG time. I kept thinking this was torture! I just want to go home! The server finally came back and informed us that my date's card had been declined. Declined! Seriously!!??? So I ended up paying for both of us. He apologized and promised to take me out again to make up for it. I politely declined when he called for that third date.

LROL: Anything you'd like to add that I forgot to ask?

Laena: ...

Thanks Laena! It's interesting to see the difference from the other side of the coast. I wish we danced more in Kansas. ; )

Do you guys have any questions you'd like to have added to the interview? Feel free to leave your idea(s) in the comments. If you'd like to participate in this series, please submit your contact information here.

header image credit.

“[If someone is between you and something you want to do] I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece “Over! Under! Around! Through!”

“A wise friend once told me, 'Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear.  Wear what they wear.'”

“When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: "Is this person in between me and what do I want to do?" If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you.”

“As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no. “No, we can’t do that.” “No, that’s not in the budget.” “No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar.” What kind of way is that to live?”

“Say yes, and you'll figure it out afterward" has helped me to be more adventurous. It has definitely helped me be less afraid.”

“This is one of the weird things about motherhood. You can predict that some of your best moments will happen around the toilet at six am while you're holding a pile of fingernail clipping like a Santeria priestess.”

“This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. 'You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.' Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.”

“Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to peopleby making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.”

“If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?”

“Some people say 'Never let them see you cry.' I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”

“Follow your fear which in improv usually leads to someone making you sing an improvised song or rap, which is the worst thing that can happen. But the larger thing is the notion that if something scares you a bit, it means that you should follow it a little bit. Now, 'follow your fear' does not mean that you should get in the car with a weirdo in a small parking lot. But it does mean that there are moments in your life when something comes up, a chance to move to a new city, or the chance to study in another continent, read your short story out loud, and you feel a lot of fear. And that fear means that you should definitely do it.”

“Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable. For sketch writers, remember they’re called sketches for a reason. They’re not called oil paintings. Some of them are going to stink. You have to let them stink.”

“I regularly ate health food cookies so disgusting that when I enthusiastically gave one to Rachel Dratch, she drew a picture of a rabbit and broke the cookie into a trail of tiny pieces coming out of the rabbit’s butt.”


“We’ve all worked with that person. That person is a drag. It’s usually the same person around the office who says things like 'There’s no calories in it if you eat it standing up!' and 'I felt menaced when Terry raised her voice.'”

“When people say, 'You really, really must' do something, it means you don't really have to. no one ever says, 'You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.' When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.”

“You have to let people see what you wrote. It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring.”

“Make statements also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, 'I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?' Make statements, with your actions and your voice.”

“I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.”



(I am always inspired by Tina Fey, her confidence is admirable.)

Read Tina Fey's hilarious/sweet prayer for her daughter Meg posted on her blog.)

(above graphic by me.)

“You deserve to look for love, if that’s what you want, and be ready to accept it when it comes your way. You might find yourself overwhelmed and even briefly in disbelief when you realize that someone actually loves you for who you are and wants nothing more than to be with you, but you should be able to embrace that unconditional caring with your own. You should wrap your arms around them and cover them with your whole body — flesh, bone, the ugly little cracks and scars that they can’t stop kissing — and know that you are a good person, who is worthy of such joy. You deserve not to question every person who gives you a compliment or tells you that you’re wonderful, not to wonder if they have some ulterior motive, or if you are somehow the victim of an elaborate prank. You should realize that you are worth loving because you are ready to love back."

Proverbs 31:25

The tumblr Little Texts, Little Musings is one of my new favorite finds. It is a collection of quotes and prose that are compiled into a wonderful collection of text with bouts of highlighter markings. You can submit there, too. 

1.Cut out images you dig. I found all of mine in magazines. (Except for the Queen Elizabeth II. It's a mini-card I bought from a shop.) 

2. Place images on the adhesive side of the magnetic sheet. (I used one similar to this.) 

3. Cut out image + magnet once adhered to the sheet.   

4. I modge-podged the individual magnets and then left them to dry overnight. 

voilà.

Today I have a major case of the "ughhhs." All I want to do is watch Everybody Loves Raymond and sulk. I have no idea what I wish to sulk about. I have no reason to sulk. It's just that every now & then a day or two like this come out of nowhere. It seems like I'm walking around with a huge cloud over my head. Like a personified version of those cartoons. You know what I'm talking about? Yup. That's me the past two days, folks. I hate it. So I'm going to make myself snap out of it, because I hate being this way. And if that doesn't work, well I'm going to lock myself up in my room away from humans so they don't have to endure this nonsense that is my mood...

But my good friend Finn said something brilliant today over Facebook: (He'd kill me if he knew I was sharing this, but whatever. He doesn't read here or my twitter. Fewf. ;)

"I'm eating a cold pizza in my kitchen, but it's delicious," he said. "You know, sometimes life is just like this pizza: you like the taste, so you have to bite it even though its cold. Chew it and it becomes tasty." 

For some reason this actually made sense to me after the laughter. Because really, he's right. In some weird, Finn-way, he's right.

As per usual.

p.s. how funny is that cartoon above? I love this lady's work. 

“Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.”-William Saroyan

I may have been born in Albuquerque, and I may be in love with living & exploring abroad, but I promise you, Kansas City will forever be my home.

“No one looks stupid when they're having fun.”


“Listen. Say ‘yes.’ Live in the moment. Make sure you play with people who have your back. Make big choices early and often.”


“The answer to a lot of your life’s questions is often in someone else’s face. People’s faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous, or asleep…Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don’t know about. Limit your ‘always’ and your ‘nevers.’ Continue to share your heart with people even if it has been broken.”


“When you feel scared, hold someone’s hand and look into their eyes. And when you feel brave, do the same thing. You are all here because you are smart. And you are brave. And if you add kindness and the ability to change a tire, you almost make up the perfect person.”


“Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn’t even on.” 


“I've said this before, that, when you're in school and you're the class clown, men are really good at making fun at other people and women are really good at making fun of themselves.”


“Girls, if a boy says something that isn’t funny, you don’t have to laugh.”


“Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a 'Batman' with a limited-edition silver bat-erang and therefore if it stays in its original packing it increases in value.”


“I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It mean's somebody's passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn't mind leading.”


“Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don't know about. Limit your 'always' and your 'nevers.'”


“I've always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler.”


(I think the last quote is my favorite. I really, really hope to say the same one day about myself. Is it weird that I want to make my 5-year-old self proud?)


(above graphic by me.)

(Note: LROL is for Little Reminders of Love.) 

LROL: At what age do people typically begin to go on dates? 
Heidi: I think this varies by person. In my super small hometown, people had "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" in 5th grade, but didn't actually go on legitimate dates til 7th, 8th, or 9th grade. Even then the dates tended to be in groups or supervised by parents. Real, one on one dates begin around sophomore year, or 15ish.

LROL: Who asks whom on a date, normally?
Heidi: Again, it depends on the person. So far I've mostly seen a 50/50 split on who asks who - some girls just have more courage than others, some guy are just more shy.

LROL: What is a typical first date like?

Heidi: Well, I've only lived in really small towns that are about half an hour away from the big cities. In my experience, the first date is usually some place local in case either person wants to leave early - it's also cheaper than paying for gas! Usually it's dinner, with a movie or bowling or something cheap (read: free!) since it's mostly college students around here.

LROL: What is culturally "expected" of you and your date?

Heidi: Ah, this is where Americans love to blur the lines! Personally, I think it's expected to end with no more than a good kiss at the most, but definitely some form of contact - holding hands, a good night hug, something. However, I have some friends that believe that you shouldn't touch at all, and other friends who think it is perfectly acceptable to sleep with someone on the first date. I think it all depends on the American sub-culture you were raised with.

LROL: Who decides what the date will be?

Heidi: Usually whoever does the asking. Sometimes the asker will only have enough courage to ask and then makes the other person pick the activity, but that's rare.

LROL: Who pays?

Heidi: The guy should, but as most of my friends and I are still in college, it's pretty normal to go dutch on a date.

LROL: What are the post-date norms?

Heidi: There are so many different "norms"! Typically, though, as I have pointed out to several of my girlfriends, the guy waits at least 24 hours to make contact, and even then it's more likely to be a text than a call. People don't call each other anymore unless they have been dating a long time.

LROL: What would you change about the dating culture of where you live?

Heidi: Hmmmm.... I definitely think it would be nice to even out the ratio here - There are 4 women to every man on my campus! But mostly I wish guys didn't expect so much. Since the ratio is so off, most guys figure if a girl doesn't immediately want to hop into bed, they can just find another one who will.

LROL: What do you like about the dating culture of where you live?

Heidi: I like that the dating culture is not rigid at all. The rules change with every relationship, and there is no set process.

LROL: What was your best date?

Heidi: Mini golf! My second boyfriend knew that my dad had strict rules about us dating - I was only allowed on group dates until my dad said otherwise - so he planned a fun day with his best friend and I. There was a new glow-in-the-dark mini golf course at the mall in town, and I seriously laughed the entire time. We were just goofing off and having a blast without any pressure of a one on one date.

LROL: And your worst?

Heidi: A date to the dining hall on campus. We were both freshmen in college, and he said he was going to surprise me for not helping me with my philosophy the night before. His surprise was that he got me my favorite flowers - after he had our mutual friend blatently ask me what they were. It was awkward - he had already gotten his food and grabbed a table, leaving me to go through the lines alone. After I sat down, the conversation was very lopsided and kinda boring - he mostly talked about his hometown and I was too nervous to say anything. At the end, he walked me back to my dorm, and then left without so much as a hug or a hand hold!

LROL: Anything you'd like to add that I forgot to ask?

Heidi: ...

Thanks so much, Heidi -- Mini golf is always a solid choice. ; )

Do you guys have any questions you'd like to have added to the interview? Feel free to leave your idea(s) in the comments. If you'd like to participate in this series, please submit your contact information here.

header image credit.

(Note: LROL is for Little Reminders of Love.) 

LROL: At what age do people typically begin to go on dates? 
GR: 12 years old. Unless you count supervised, arranged dates. Then that shrinks down to 1 year old.

LROL: Who asks whom on a date, normally?
GR: The party with confidence. Statistically the male, but I feel like that paradigm is shifting. Of the last three (new; blind) dates I've been on, the female has suggested the time and place. Although I made initial contact in each case.

LROL: What is a typical first date like?

GR: In my experience, this is generally a post-dinner date over drinks and appetizers. Rarely, a ore-dinner date fielding out the possibility of enough interest/chemistry warranting dinner (and/or more).

LROL: What is culturally "expected" of you and your date?

GR: This question feels vague or ambiguous. I feel like the expectation is that the initial meeting will involve a crossfire-style interview process of lifestyle questions that basically gauge personality, sense of humour, financial status, education, and overall lifestyle compatibility. A given level of awkwardness is generally expected, so some are better at minimizing the social disconnect than others. I'm in sales, so I generally find myself very relaxed and confident (sometimes over-confident?) in my discourse. Personally, I leave a very narrow window for low intelligence/witty banter.

LROL: Who decides what the date will be?

GR: With the exception of a VERY traditional gender role-player (in which case the female will pointedly leave it up to the pursuant male) I feel like this is generally suggested by whomever initiated the date, and is rarely disapproved by the other party.

LROL: Who pays?

GR: I don't ever see a reason for the female to pay. Courtship is anthropologically sacred, and should be bankrolled by the pursuant male in the same way an engagement ring is a demonstration of a financial preparedness/ability to support a mate/family. Having said that, if there is little or no interest in pursuing the other party, a silent ducking out on the bill is not unheard of.

LROL: What are the post-date norms?

GR: I think this depends on the individual natures of both parties involved. By the end of a (successful) first date, the pursuant male should be reasonably confident in what sort of follow-up is appropriate/desired/will result in a future rendezvous. Personally, I like an immediate text msg post-date (within the hour) along the lines of, "I had a great time! I'd like to do it again!" give or take humour or established shared jokes/anecdotes. This also takes the pressure off of both parties, and allows the female to respond at her leisure as to whether or not another date is in the books.

LROL: What would you change about the dating culture of where you live?

GR: I don't really think there is much I would change. I enjoy the freedom and diversity of people I have the opportunity to meet and how I'm able to conduct myself.

LROL: What do you like about the dating culture of where you live?

GR: I believe I answered this in my previous response.

LROL: What was your best date?

GR: Haha. Without exploring too much detail, we shared a rather impressive evening of public witty banter over drinks that continued into a two-year romance. It became clear very quickly that we shared a similar sense of humour and lifestyle ideals. We became intimate within a few more dates

LROL: And your worst?

GR: We met at a local bar for drinks. It wasn't horrible, but it was obvious after several minutes that we didn't have much in common. We ended the date at the first opportunity, and mutually decided afterward motto see each other again. It actually wasn't that bad I suppose lol.

LROL: Anything you'd like to add that I forgot to ask?

GR: Am I amazing? Yes. Yes I am. I am a real treat. And strangely enough, still eligible. Heh.

Thanks so much, Greg -- It was great hearing from a male perspective! And ladies, he's available.

Do you guys have any questions you'd like to have added to the interview? Feel free to leave your idea(s) in the comments. If you'd like to participate in this series, please submit your contact information here.

header image credit.

So I've been pretty into Pinterest tutorials lately. I've admittedly failed at most, but there are a few with which I have had great success.

But this gem, this gem not only worked (on the second try**) but is a complete game changer.

I promise you. Check out this entire post of brilliance on the blog love Maegan and prepare to have your hair-covered mind b-lown. Blown I tell ya-- but sans blow-dryer, or any heat at all!

Ok, enough from me. Now go on, get over there.

**I say second try because I thought ignoring her tips and doing a thousand, tiny twists would be a glorious idea... let's just say when I woke up and looked in the mirror I looked like a Shirley Temple on crack.

I guess I'll maybe post a photo of myself at some point to prove it. Because let me tell ya, this hair of mine, it's as stubborn as a standard poodle. It is fine and mighty slippery. Yes, that's how I describe it. Because it holds nothing, nothing. except these pin curls, of course.

After a few attempts, I managed to have success with a DIY project! I made this one for my friends Katherine & Christian (the heart is where Christian's hometown is).

I'm hooked. I've made three other ones just today. It's easy & most importantly, affordable. I'm thinking about selling them, they are so fun to make... hmm.

xo.